Something that has been troubling me lately, and I’m sure grips others in a similar way, is an experience that comes often enough that I can recognize it clearly, but still struggle to deal with. For lack of a more succinct term, “stuck inside my head” seems to accurately express this experience, when your thoughts suffocate your ability to act freely or the inability to act without considering the conditions extensively. It’s almost as if anything you do is experienced through a filter of unrecognizable issue and nothing seems quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it so you keep racking your mind for an answer to your unsettling feelings. I’ve been contemplating this experience lately, and something I’ve found to be reassuring is the concept that you are a part of something much, much greater than whatever is right in front of you. The power of your voice and actions have far reaching impacts, ripples of intention, that aren’t necessarily visible but certainly exist. You always have the opportunity to give something useful to the world, whether it’s to yourself, another, a group, or just to the wind; you always have the power to push good nature forward from within yourself.

I think part of what causes this experience to happen in the first place is the way humans interact with each other, or how we’ve grown to conceptualize ourselves with respect to others. I like to imagine that humans are like mirrors, the closer someone is to you (friend, family, SO), the more access you have to see yourself through their eyes, because they know you well and can see your tides easily. When you’re close to someone, you imagine how they’re seeing you from a certain angle, in a specific light, because all too often we’re questioning our own identity, and  what is identity crafted through other than (partially) those in the groups that surround us? So we make assumptions about what people must see in us based on what we know of them; we try to get a better view of ourselves through filters that, most of the time, don’t truly exist outside of our own minds. Herein lies a problem: based on how we’re truly feeling about ourselves at a certain time, we assume others are also truly feeling this way about us. We insert our own opinions of ourselves into the minds of those close to us (as well as strangers) and we believe those people are adopting those opinions as true. Then, all of a sudden, you’re surrounded by your (possibly negative) beliefs about yourself and its become a self-fulfilling feedback loop. The more you think that others are thinking about you in a certain way, the more they will appear to be doing so, and soon the thought becomes so omnipresent and stifling that you are stuck inside of yourself. You begin to feel as though you can’t act without being judged, that you are always being observed, and you can’t stop thinking about it.

In this circumstance, I have found that the main theme of reason, the catalyst of these thoughts, is that I have lost sight of my goals. I have deviated from the path of the achievements I set out to gain and I lose myself in the brush. I think our minds, being human machines, seek input in the form of objects, concepts to focus on, and whatever we throw our lasso around will be the fuel for our fire. If I’m in this situation and I lay out a few simple tasks or projects for myself for the next day, my sense of purpose is immediately nurtured. Giving yourself something to focus on that makes you feel accomplished is paramount. I find it’s best to focus on something that’s not too big and not too small. What I mean by that is if you choose to focus on a project that might take two years to complete, you will end up feeling defeated before you even get to the thick of it. And if you choose a task that doesn’t give you enough empowerment, you risk becoming bored and allowing your mind to wander again to negative thoughts. Choose something for yourself that is simply your own, a project for personal progression, and be proud of your work. In this case, the opinions of others don’t matter. What matters is how you feel about the work you’ve done for yourself.